What a fucking waste of an outfit
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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