I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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