I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize