I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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