I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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