My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
