you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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