I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize