i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
