She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
