Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
