I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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