People in love make me want to vomit
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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