the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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