Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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