We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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