mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
