Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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