so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
