So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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