So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize