omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
