he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
