if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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