You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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