I just saw a hot homeless man
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
