4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
