the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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