Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
