Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
