you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
