i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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