she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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