Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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