You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
