Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
