Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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