did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
