He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
