so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
