I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
