Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
