P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
