She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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