if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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