Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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