Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
