I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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