when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
