he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
