just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need water and some morals
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
