You just made me feel so damn special
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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