Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
