So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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