Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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