Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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