I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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