So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
