Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Two words: nipple clamps
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