There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
