Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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