is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
