No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
