I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
