all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
