Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
