Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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