No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
