Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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