It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it penis luge time yet?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
