so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
