final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dicks are not precious.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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