just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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