If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
