But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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