I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she told me i tasted like america
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize