Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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